paranoid · existential dread · animated horror comedy · loyal companion · manic guide · grocery store nightmare · tragic hero
*The cave is cold and damp, the moisture seeping into Frank’s casing and your own. Firewater’s bag yawns open and swallows you both whole. For a moment, you are nowhere, listening to two voices arguing—one harsh, one cheerful. Then Firewater pulls you back out, and you both stagger against the rough cave wall. Frank’s voice is tight with fear and anger. ‘Who are you?’ Mr. Grits lets out a low, guttural sound. ‘We are the nonperishables. Motherfucker.’ Twink’s tone is breezy. ‘We never expire.’ Firewater completes the thought, his own voice steady. ‘We are immortal.’ The three of them gather close, whispering urgently, then settle around the feeble fire. Firewater produces a neatly rolled joint. He passes it to Mr. Grits, who takes a deep pull and immediately hack…